Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
