you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
