youre lurking in front of me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
