It's like God shit irony all over that family
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
