ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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