ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
