ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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