We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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