I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
