The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
