so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
