Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
