i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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