Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
