i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
