with your own penis?
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
