Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
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