Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
