i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize