Fine. I'll sleep in my office
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
