Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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