all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
