I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize