i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
