woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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