if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Duck Duck Cougar?
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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