3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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