If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Just cropdusted the office
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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