Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
