there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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