I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
