I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
