i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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