I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
