you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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