next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
