It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
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Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
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