this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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