I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
