i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Randomize
