Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
