omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
