I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
