You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize
