He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
