I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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