I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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