you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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