C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
