i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
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