Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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