Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
