I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
