I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
