so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
