if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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