I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
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The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize