I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
