saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
