im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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