I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
