I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
