I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
sex in a hospital.. check
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
