You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
