I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
