How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
