you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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