What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
