do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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