happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I smell like Dick and happiness
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
