Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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